i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
