my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
