Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
