Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
