maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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