Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
