Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize