ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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