Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize