he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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