My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
