Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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