the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
