Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And then he peed in my hair
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