umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Boobs speak an international language.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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