Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
