I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i love accidental penises.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
