He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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