3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You pole danced in your parka.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
