You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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