My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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