Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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