Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
