So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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