it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
