I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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