Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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