i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
