Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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