I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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