Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
