you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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