And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
