i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
