Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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