you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize