youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm at about main and main street
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize