I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
