do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
