literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize