How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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