Your face is a jimmy john
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
