she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
