Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
