I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
