Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
