proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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