I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
