Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
