Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
