I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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