First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
