I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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