If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
