remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
