yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
