have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
