the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
