Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
