Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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