You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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