I want to stick my p in your. b.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
