I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
