So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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