Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
