i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
