I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
