I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
