I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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