Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
