My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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