3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
