Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
