i don't like sucking hair
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
