What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
