he shaved USA in his pubs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck me I smell like cheese
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
