I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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